The day I realized that the cultural ideal of femininity was, quite literally, unattainable? The day I realized that women are supposed to be sexy and chaste, undemanding and seeking commitment, meek delicate flowers and strong backbones of the family? The day I realized that if you’re tall you’re supposed to look shorter, and if you’re short you’re supposed to look taller, and if you’re fat you’re supposed to look thinner, and if you’re thin you’re supposed to look more voluptuous, and that whatever body type you had you were supposed to make it look different? The day I realized that every woman is insecure about her looks… including the ones we’re supposed to idolize? The day I realized that, no matter what I did, no matter how hard I worked, I would always, always, always be a failure as a woman?
That was the day I quit worrying about it.
If the world is telling you that if you work just a little bit harder, you can be strong enough, pretty enough, rich enough, whatever enough… you’ll be a lot more tempted to keep running that treadmill, keep chasing the carrot that’s dangling in front of you. But if the world is telling you that if you work just a little bit harder, you can turn yourself into a unicorn and start shitting diamonds? The whole thing just becomes laughable. And it becomes a whole lot easier to step off the treadmill. Obviously the cultural expectations still affect you — I’m not claiming to be free of them, I don’t think anyone is — but it’s a lot easier to see them for what they are, and shrug them off, and get on with your life.
“Stop saying “someday” and make it “today”. There is no reason to wait to pursue what you want in this life. Choose now to make your life what you want. Design and create it freely. You are in the drivers seat. Empower yourself to start today.”—via: A Voice in Recovery (on Twitter at @VoiceinRecovery)
You seem committed to helping people. I need help.
I feel so alone and worse than I have felt for a long time.
I can not talk to anyone about it. I do not want them to know how messed up I am, I want them to be happy. But I am falling off the edge.
You can’t worry about being a burden to anyone else. You must talk to SOMEONE. Anyone. A doctor, teacher, your parents (preferably). You can’t handle this on your own. Trust me, I tried for way too long and wish I had asked for help sooner. I wasted a LOT of years. You are ill and you need to get help. If you had any other illness…cancer, diabetes, etc….would you be too embarrassed to ask for help and get treatment? Please talk to someone. You can keep talking to me until you find the right person to get serious help from, but it has to be done. If you are suffering from depression, it is a biological chemical imbalance and there is treatment available. Don’t put others before yourself. You are worthy and deserving of health and happiness. Take that happiness. The first step in getting it is asking for help. You can do this. ♥
what inspired u to make a blog that encourages people?
Great question. I have struggled with anxiety my entire life. My earliest memories are anxiety-filled. I have also struggled with depression, it became worse in the last 5-6 years. In March of 2010, I had a breakdown and couldn’t function. The depression had taken it’s hold on me and forced me to quit my job of 7 years. I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t do the simplest things around the house. Not because I didn’t want to or just “didn’t feel like it”, but because my mind WOULD NOT LET ME. I had to go and stay with my parents for a few months, because I needed to be supervised and my husband needed to work, so he couldn’t stay with me. I was suicidal and couldn’t be left alone. Because I had quit my job, I had no health insurance. Everything was falling apart. It was the worst year of my life. My rock bottom. But I found a way to get help (even without insurance), I pulled myself up and out of it, and I am stronger because of it. I want others who are going through similar situations (or even totally different, equally difficult, situations) to always know that there is hope. Things WILL get better if you just don’t give up on life. Or yourself. You are all stronger than you give yourselves credit for. I never thought I was strong until I looked back at what I’d been through and was completely amazed at the strength that was in me the entire time. It’s in all of you, too. ♥